We Can End Civilization Now, Pizza Pockets are Being Discontinued

EVERYONE ABORT EARTH FOR A PLANET WITH PIZZA POCKETS.

Gene Coleman of Coleman’s Grocery in Newfoundland tweeted, “To be discontinued by McCain in the Very near future. My kids will miss u! #pizzapockets”

To be discontinued by McCain in the Very near future. My kids will miss u! #pizzapockets pic.twitter.com/BPnwZU01fM

— Gene Coleman (@Gene_Coleman) August 23, 2016

Vice has done the digging on this VERY IMPORTANT breaking news and has yet to confirm the report with McCain. They write, “I frantically started to dig deeper for more information. In a bid to get clarification from McCain Foods Canada I instead got a complicated run-around.” 

We theorize that McCain is keeping this discontinuation a secret in an attempt to avoid mass riots across Canada. Stay tuned for more information.

UPDATE:

Richard Southern of 680 News says that, “McCain has scraped the original Pizza Pocket, replacing it with a more gourmet item called Marche Pizza Pockets.”

McCain has scraped the original Pizza Pocket, replacing it with a more gourmet item called Marche Pizza Pockets pic.twitter.com/clNSBPlu0O

— Richard Southern (@richard680news) August 24, 2016

WE ARE NOT SATISFIED. WE WANT PIZZA POCKETS.